3. Find out what sensory system they use most and match it

Listening carefully to their words will tell you whether they think in pictures (“that looks good to me”), sounds (“that rings a bell”) or feelings (“that sits well with me”). When you reply with words that trigger the same sense, they’ll be compelled to listen to you.

4. Always use positive language

Instead of saying “No”, say “What I can do instead is…”

5. Use their name

It’s a word they have been trained to respond to from an early age. So repeat it during your message and they will stay alert.

Read more about it

Cole, K 2000: Crystal Clear Communication

Kris Cole says that ‘true listening is done with our hearts and eyes as well as our ears.’ Then she explains how to listen well at work and at home.

She describes five skills involved in active listening and teaches you how to develop them. Her chapter on rapport-building is also a great read. In combination with the listening skills section, it sets you up for success in any communication context.